


snow halation

by ukulele_hiphop



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bilingual Lance (Voltron), Christmas, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Galaxy Garrison, I'm Three Years Late, Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, Korean Keith (Voltron), Lance Is From Arizona/Mexico, M/M, None Of This Is Really Canon, Out of Character, Panic Attacks, Pining Keith (Voltron), ish, keith is an orphan, more tags to come
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-08-14 13:01:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16493108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ukulele_hiphop/pseuds/ukulele_hiphop
Summary: this story is a piece of my heart.i started writing this in december of 2016, when voltron was fresh and new. it was a different time. a time of mystery, wonder, and a whole lot of love.this story is about love, and everything in between.-keith didn't appreciate winter break and it's abilities to lure him into his own head. it was cold. it was lonely. it was a waste of two weeks spent in the garrison dorms while his favorite people in the universe went home; a universe far, far away. then there was lance, who shifted his world upside down with his sunshine smile and dust storm eyes. he claimed arizona was warm in the winter. hot, even. it didn't snow unless you went up north, and it was only a seven hour drive away. everything was cold for keith. everything was cold, but lance was the sun with an insistent gravitational pull. keith didn't know too much about home, but the way lance spoke of his inclined him to find out. lance had a heart like home, and keith wanted to be buried in it.-thank you for giving this little story a chance. these are words that grew with me, and i hope you'll find something in it too.





	snow halation

**Author's Note:**

> considering this was written in 2016, you may notice some non-canon elements in here. lance is from arizona and mexican. keith is an orphan, and from korea. keith is shrio's adopted brother. krolia and texas kogane doesn't exist in this story, considering they weren't announced when i wrote this. a lot of this is also based on real events like the memes (which are ancient by now), and some inside jokes between my friends and i. a lot of this was also written at the peak of summer 3 a.m. hours, so let me know if anything is out of place or oddly worded.  
> hopefully all this is okay, and you can still embrace it to the fullest. i truly hope so. thank you so much for reading. much love.

The weather was changing.

The weather was changing and Keith knew what kind of trouble that brought along with it. When it got cold, the trees would start dying, birds would fly south for the winter, and finals would creep up behind him and wring him out for all he was worth. Then Christmas break would be right around the corner, which meant he could go home.

Home?

Keith didn't particularly appreciate the change in weather, or the cold which enveloped his heart this time of the year. Or the fact he didn't exactly have a place to go home to. 

 

-

 

"Did you guys know that in Arizona, we use cactuses instead of trees for Christmas?" 

"Shut up Lance, seriously."

"Wait, is that actually true?"

"Don't listen to his nonsense."

Lance grinned over at his friends. It  _ was  _ true. Back in Arizona he'd seen  _ at least  _ several cactus trees. They were truly a sight to behold, especially when covered in dust instead of snow. In winter it was usually Flagstaff that got the most snow, along with the rest of the North Valley and Prescott occasionally. Where he lived, Phoenix, didn't seem to get any. If anything, that was better for him and his family. Cold was good, but Lance was used to the 100 degree weather summer brought with it. Winter, however, was an experience all in it's own. His extended family from Mexico would visit, bringing along with them tamal és, empanadas, menudo, pozole, and champurrado. Lance  _ lived _ for his mother's champurrado, it was his favorite. Winter break could not come fast enough.

Keith envied how Lance talked so animatedly about what he planned to do over winter break. Out of everyone in their squad, Lance was  _ always  _ the most excited. Hunk usually brushed it off as just a couple of normal days spent with his immediate family. Pidge pretty much did the same, as far as Keith knew. Shiro, however, would fly all the way back to Japan to spend time with the Takashi family. Keith had lived with them when he and Shiro were both children, but that was a long story Keith preferred  _ not  _ to think about.  

"Keith. Keeeith. Keith, buddy!"

The sound of his name abruptly pulled Keith out of his thoughts, interrupting the memories that would have overwhelmed him otherwise. When he focused again, he was met with Lance literally centimeters in front of his face with Pidge cackling in the background.  

"Wait, did you say  _ cactuses _ ?"  

"Pidge, shu-"

"It's CACTI, you complete idiot."

Keith snorted softly, relieved the pressure wasn't focused on him anymore. Lance was in the middle of a heated debate as to why the plural of  _ cactus  _ should be  _ cactuses  _ and not  _ cacti _ . Pidge simply kept poking fun at him, irritating him to no end.  

"So, Keith. To continue where Lance left off: What are  _ you  _ doing for winter break?" 

_ Hunk _ . Keith knew he meant well, but couldn't he tell by body language alone that  _ Keith didn't want to have this conversation _ ? Apparently not, since he was still expecting an answer. Lance seemed to have noticed as well, seeing as he casually made his way next to Keith's other side again. Even Pidge was eavesdropping, a few paces behind them. 

"Well, I'm probably just going to stay in the dorms at the Garrison, like always.."

_ This  _ piqued Lance's interests. He was very much aware that Keith always had an excuse for not leaving the dorms for winter break, it was different every year. He was curious what Keith would play it off with this time around. "For as long as we've known you, Keith, you've always stayed at the Garrison over break. Tell us, Keith, buddy, pal, what is so exciting about  _ that _ ?" Keith’s breathing faltered for just a moment at the sudden inquiry. He didn’t know how to respond without altering the truth. The only logical approach was, “I don’t celebrate Christmas.”

Lance coughed out an unsubtle laugh, matching his pace to bump shoulders with Keith. “Uh,  _ sure _ . Says the guy who flew all the way to Japan to celebrate with Shiro a few years back, before dedicating your existence to the Garrison, that is.” Keith rolled his eyes. He only did that because he was  _ forced  _ to. Shiro insisted that the  _ past was the past _ , and to just  _ move on already _ . Keith could never move on, it wasn’t like he had any  _ fami- _

“Earth to Keith!”

Once again, Keith was face to face with Lance, who was smirking like he found something out. Keith blinked a few times before Lance finally leaned back, his face replaced with a waving hand in front of Keith’s. Hunk and Pidge had seemed to have kept on walking, seeing that he and Lance were standing alone. “..Keith?” Lance waved his hand a little more vigorously, tilting his head in worried curiosity. Keith faltered a little and cleared his throat. “Oh.. you got me.”

_ Escape _ . Keith didn’t want to have the conversation he saw lingering in Lance’s eyes. “So what do you  _ actually  _ do for winter break?”  _ Don’t press on _ . Lance was genuinely interested. He knew Keith kept to himself for the most part, but winter break was meant to go  _ home _ . “You go home, right? Tell me you don’t  _ actually _ stay in the dorms.” Keith found himself frozen, mentally and physically. As in, he couldn’t follow when Lance started walking again. Or reply to his sudden question. 

“I go back to Arizona for winter break, and Hunk goes.. Keith, are you even listen-” Lance turned to see Keith at least several feet away from him, clutching himself tightly.

He was looking down at the street, refusing to meet Lance’s eyes. “Keith!”

Keith heard his voice shouted in the distance but the static was buzzing too loudly in his ears for him to look up. Memories flashed inside his eyelids and they were  _ bright _ , puncturing through the darkness he had created so tightly in his brain. Keith felt himself lift his shaking hands to rest against the pounding inside his head.  _ “You go home, right?”  _ chanted over and over, repeatedly stabbing the memories he’s locked up in the back of his mind for so long.

Keith couldn’t believe Lance had the  _ audacity  _ to continue to push him, ask questions and expecting answers he  _ knew  _ Keith couldn’t provide. He couldn’t believe Lance  _ cared  _ enough to want to know. They were just beginning to tolerate each other and now Keith was going to mess  _ that  _ up too. He was doomed from the beginning. Cold, insensitive, arrogant, Keith. Lance was too  _ bright  _ for him. Lance,  _ Lance, Lance, Lance, Lance. _

Lance.

Lance was scared. He didn’t know what to do to help Keith because he was frozen and unresponsive and shaking and all Lance could do was wait for it to pass. Watching Keith like this made Lance want to reach out and touch him, but he’d never seen someone react so strongly to something in this way before. “Keith, buddy, please calm down, I...” The words died in his throat as he crouched down and watched his friend fall to pieces in front of him. Lance didn’t even know what had  _ sparked  _ Keith to become like this, but guilt rested heavy on his shoulders at the possibility it had been because of him. He had been talking too much again, riling Keith up without knowing it, and in the end created  _ this _ .

Keith was collapsing. Everything had been so  _ good  _ up until now. He had been completely able to rid himself of those memories from the past and the bitterness he felt in his heart. When Shiro had convinced him to come to the Garrison, he had only been a  _ little  _ excited. Well, anything would have gotten him excited if it meant saving him from that dusty old shack in the middle of the desert. The Garrison, in a way, had  _ saved  _ him.

 

_ “Keith, you.. live like this?” _

_ Keith looked around the tiny shack; dust littered the floor, his small amount of clothing occupied the corner to the right, also covered in dust. Papers from Keith’s research were scattered on a small, fragile, wooden coffee table next to the blanket he used as a bed on most nights. Cold nights. In the desert, everything was cold. It held no sympathy for people like him. He didn’t deserve it. _

_ “Uh.. yes.” Keith nodded, thoughts flying in different directions. He never wanted Shiro to know about this place. Or him. Or anything. _

_ Shiro blinked a few times, trying to register what exactly he was looking at. He was aware Keith had been struggling after he left Japan to live in the states, but Shiro never knew it was like this. He was essentially homeless, living alone in a tiny shack in the middle of the desert. Of course he did. Keith never had a true family growing up; it made sense his idea of home would be in a place like this. Shiro sighed and handed Keith a piece of paper; an envelope. _

_ “Come to the Galaxy Garrison. It’s a university for students who want to study space travel.” Shrio gestured to Keith’s pile of research papers. Alien research. Space research. The whole nine yards. “I think it would be perfect for you.” _

_ Keith furrowed his brow. He didn’t need validation from a university to know his research was good. That it had potential. That he had potential. That he was.. worth something. Keith preferred to have no expectations or deadlines or shoes to fill or a legacy to secure. He had himself and that was fine. “I think I’ll pass.” He muttered, looking down and anywhere but Shiro’s eyes. _

_ “Hunk, Pidge, and Lance will definitely take a liking to you. They’re all training to be pilots right now.” _

_ The mere thought of socializing sent a shiver of dread down Keith’s spine. He wasn’t emotionally capable of seeing anyone right now. ‘You.. live like this?’ kept flashing in his mind and he couldn’t make it stop. He didn’t want to meet new people. He didn’t want to see people, or be around people. People never gave him the time of day when he was younger, so why would they care now? Keith couldn’t believe Shiro had the audacity to come into his life after how many years? and offer him entrance into a space university where his research would actually be useful and he’d be useful and- _

_ “Keith, please calm down. I know this is out of the blue and I haven’t seen you for a couple of years. But please.. consider this.” _

_ Everything was cold. _

 

Everything was cold. Except for Lance’s hand on his skin when it grounded him at his shoulder. “Keith, are you with me? Are you okay?” Keith was most definitely  _ not  _ okay. He nodded, despite himself. Lance looked absolutely spooked out of his mind, seeing as this was his first witness to a panic attack. “Sorry.” Keith shuddered slightly, breath cold on his skin. He hated the winter. He hated it more than how embarrassed he felt inside; the hollowness was creeping back into his heart and leaving him numb. He needed to be safe at the Garrison and not thinking about his friends leaving and the fact that Shiro wasn’t there to keep him company this time. Lance still hadn’t removed his hand from Keith’s shoulder; it felt like it was burning a hole into his flesh.

“I don’t really understand what just happened, but you don’t need to apologize. If anyone, it should be me.. I think I might have said the wrong thing to you?..”

Lance looked so helpless standing there, trying to fix this. If only Hunk and Pidge hadn’t walked up so far ahead of them he might have been able to keep his cool. If they hadn’t left they could have  _ all  _ helped Keith through this. Or at least shut Lance up when he was talking out of line. He just didn’t  _ know _ .

Keith huffed slightly, trying to shrug Lance’s burning hand off of him. “You just made me remember some things, that’s all.” Lance sighed roughly, shoving a hand through his hair. “Let’s get you back to the dorms, yeah?” Keith nodded, relieved for the change in topic and scenery.

 

-

 

_ Silence _ . Keith’s head hadn’t been this quiet in such a long time. Whatever had created the static before was dormant now. Walking with Lance was like a breath of fresh air. Cold air. His lungs were  _ freezing _ . Winter was never good to him. Nevertheless, Lance was  _ warm _ . He was like the sunshine in Arizona. The kind that blinded you and boiled your blood and fried the hairs on the back of your neck. Keith almost couldn’t handle his rays.

Well, he’d never been to Arizona before so he didn’t have much to compare Lance to, honestly. Distantly, the dorms of the Garrison were his safe haven from the heat. He could feel them pulling him into their grasp, safe. Keith felt safe in their embrace, they were the only thing that resembled home for him these days. They could never be the home he longed for, but they were there. And they were constant. And they haven’t let Keith down as of yet, and he hoped to whatever supernatural power that they never would.

Lance cleared his throat as they reached the dorms, noticing Hunk and Pidge among them. He almost bounded up to them, but thought better of it the moment his eyes roamed back over to Keith. “Keith? We’re here.” Out of the corner of his eye, Lance saw Pidge offer an enthusiastic wave. Keith blinked once, shaken out of his thoughts. Lance had a way of interrupting him when he got too lost in his head, it seemed. Keith didn’t know whether that was a good thing or not, but the sight of his friends waiting for them at the Garrison entrance distracted him enough to smile and move on with his life. For now.

Lance smiled at Keith, seeing him brighten at their friends was enough to make him feel a little less guilty about seemingly giving him a panic attack was enough for now, at least. He didn’t quite understand why Keith had reacted so negatively in the first place earlier, but Lance didn’t have the heart to pry. That was, unless Keith sought him out about it, but Lance doubted that the moment the idea popped in his brain. He and Keith had never been on totally good terms, and this fiasco didn’t seem to help their case. “Hey, Lance?”

Lance’s eyes focused on Keith’s for a brief second before the other looked away, conflict present on his features. “Thanks for walking with me. And staying when… yeah.” Keith shrugged, already walking over to a smirking Pidge and concerned Hunk before Lance could even stutter out a reply.

 

-

 

Keith let himself unceremoniously drop onto his bed with a small sigh of relief. It had truly been a  _ day _ . He couldn’t remember another time where he had felt  _ this  _ drained, especially with the promise of winter break ahead of him. However, he officially established that winter break was his least favorite time away from school. He welcomed the routine, and three weeks without it would destroy him for  _ sure _ . Most of the time he’d binge anime or read some books, preferably  _ Harry Potter _ , but this time around he wasn’t sure if the quiet of the dorm would serve to sooth or agitate him. He was going to miss his friends terribly this year.

 

**Group Chat: MEMETTI**

 

_ Leash McClaw: happy winter break guys make it count ;^) _

 

_ Meme Machine: danks fam stay lit _

 

_ Shiro Takashi: Just arrived at the Airport. Stay safe kids!  _

 

_ Leash McClaw: you too dad. also, the caps are not aesthetically pleasing. stop _

 

_ Big Hunk Bar: respect your elders, Lance _

 

_ Meme Machine: lmao _

 

_ Leash McClaw: anyways. moving on,,, _

 

_ Leash McClaw: KEITH _

 

_ Leash McClaw: KE IT H _

 

_ Leash McClaw: I KNOW YOURE SEEING THESE REPLY MULLET _

 

_ Meme Machine: gross (not you keith. just lance’s sad attempt at flirting) _

 

_ Keith: [ Seen 4:39 P.M. ] _

 

_ Leash McClaw: [… ] _

  
  


Keith turned his phone off before the conversation could escalate any further. He didn’t even wait for Lance’s chat bubble to form a reply, not that he really cared what Lance had to say about Pidge’s comment anyway. So instead he closed his eyes, and willed his beating heart to calm itself in the comfort of his quiet room. His quiet room where he’d be alone for the next three weeks. Three dreadful weeks. Alone.

Except this small moment of peace was disturbed the moment a persistent knock sounded at his door. Keith grumbled and threw a pillow over his head to block out the noise, shouting something incoherent that hopefully reached the intruder. He pretended that the noise subsided when in reality it grew even more demanding and needlessly  _ annoying _ . So Keith stood, ran a hand through his disheveled hair and yanked the door open with as much force as his tired body could manage. Shouldn’t freshman be home for break already? If it was that one kid pulling pranks on him again, Keith was going to-

“Pidge didn’t mean what they said in the group chat.”

Lance smiled and waved briefly in Keith’s doorway, looking nothing like he had only hours earlier. He looked a lot more settled and sure of himself, the smile he wore not faltering at Keith’s frown one bit. It was quite endearing, but Keith shoved that thought to the back of his head the moment it popped up and made itself known. Like Lance, standing in his doorway. Keith let his hand fall from the door handle easily to his side, too exhausted to bicker with Lance and make him go away. Not that he wanted him to go away, but Lance’s ego definitely didn’t need to know that.

“So… can I come in?”

Keith nodded, and allowed Lance to step inside his living space. Although they lived on the same floor of the dormitory, he’d never thought to invite Lance over. This was mostly due to the fact that he and Lance rarely got along, and that was usually with all their friends around. So a one-on-one didn’t seem like a feasible idea when Keith thought long and hard about it. Alas, he did. He thought about inviting all his friends, but every single scenario he conjured in his head led to something bad, and Keith didn’t like bad endings. Which all of them were.

Lance looked around, seeing as this was his first time in Keith’s dorm. He was well aware they lived on the same floor, but neither one of them sought each other out. It was one of the smaller rooms, like his, but Keith’s space was anything but welcoming. The room was pretty bare, there were not any pictures or paintings on the walls and the living area seemed to have rarely been used. Lance glanced to the other side, hoping to find any resemblance that Keith actually lived and existed here, and was thoroughly surprised when he found it. “Wicked.” He beamed and looked over at Keith, who grinned sheepishly at Lance.

Keith’s room, which wasn’t a room at all, moreso a corner with a bed, was the most  _ Keith  _ thing Lance had ever seen in his time of knowing him. It was decked out in maps of the world and posters of stars and space. There were also some smaller art prints that included flowers, aliens, and one portrait that made Lance’s eyes linger just a little bit longer. It was a long canvas of beautiful ocean scenery, and the painting itself was still wrapped in a thin sheet of plastic, as if Keith had barely bought it and was still deciding on where to hang it. Lance unconsciously ran his fingers over it without thinking.

“Uh, Lance?” Keith could only chuckle a little bit while he watched Lance admire his room, or most notably, his ocean painting that he mysteriously received only a couple of days ago. Lance jerked his hand back almost abruptly, as if caught in something he didn’t want Keith to see. But that hint of insecurity only plagued his face for a second before his signature grin found itself again. “That painting’s really cool, where’d you get it?” He asked, nonchalantly.

Keith shrugged, flopping himself back on his bed with a little  _ huff _ . “It was sent to me with a note, unfortunately  _ without _ a name or return address. Creepy, right?” Keith found himself glaring at the painting again, which felt like the hundredth time that week. Lance smiled, crossing his arms over his chest. “I dunno, Keith, it seems pretty mysterious to me. Perhaps you have a  _ secret admirer _ .” He joked, waggling his eyebrows for good measure. Keith’s intensive eye roll and groan was a win-win for Lance. “Yeah, like _ that’s _ believable. It was probably sent to the wrong dorm, anyways.” Keith said, almost disappointedly, Lance noticed.

Lance  _ hummed  _ in response, but shook his head at Keith. “Yeah, maybe. But how many people at the Garrison share the surname  _ Kogane? _ ” His tone was playful, but also challenging. Lance looked at Keith to consider his response, but was met with an intense stare that almost made him uncomfortable. He clearly struck a chord with Keith that wasn’t meant to be played. “I don’t  _ know,  _ Lance. Maybe I should ask Iverson, he’s  _ bound  _ to know.” Something bitter in Keith’s tone made Lance falter, and he knew better than to pry. “Sorry.”

Keith sighed and shook his head, briefly waving his hand in a ‘forget about it’ gesture in Lance’s general direction. The atmosphere was still tense, but the previous inquiry was easily pushed aside by the both of them, seemingly to keep the peace they had formed before the whole ordeal. Lance seated himself a little ways away from Keith in a chair he assumed was for guests, since it was the closest to Keith’s room and the most convenient. Keith watched him do so, not having the heart to bicker or cast insults at him. With a stupendous amount of self control, Lance didn’t meet his eyes.

“So, what’d the note say? You said the painting came with a note.”

Keith made a sound like disbelief in the back of his throat, not really offended that Lance kept meddling with his personal and emotional life, but the fact that he seemed genuinely curious about it. Keith could play his game. So, he reached over to the desk that sat next to his bed, and pulled a sticky note from a book he was supposed to read for his Astronomy course, but procrastinated until the last day of finals. Lance lifted a single eyebrow, surprised Keith was actually going to humor him for once. He was taken aback, however, when Keith actually handed it to him.

Lance couldn’t help but let a huff of laughter escape his lips as he eyed the paper dubiously. “This is in another language, Keith, I can’t read it.” He said, matter-of-factly. Keith snatched it back out of Lance’s hands, and all but glared at the little note. “Yeah, well, me  _ either! _ ” Keith noticed his tone of voice may had been a bit more hostile than he hoped, but he couldn’t take it back now. Not with Lance looking at him with a plethora of emotions dancing on his face: hurt, confusion, pity. Lance cleared his throat, suffocating in the thickness of the room around them. He didn’t want  _ this  _ when he showed up to Keith’s dorm to ask-

“Come with me to Arizona over break.” It was now or never, and Lance didn’t know what else to do when Keith looked so  _ broken  _ over something neither of them could understand. Lance _ knew _ , however, that whatever the note held meant more to Keith than it ever would him, so he decided not to bring it up  _ ever  _ again. Lance hoped his offer didn’t seem too intrusive, and he realized a beat too late that perhaps he could have worded it better. He’d been a little desperate, okay, especially when Keith looked like he was going to burst at the seams at any given moment.

Keith could feel himself falling. There were some things in the world he just couldn’t understand. There were moments where his own existence felt like an anomaly, and not even he could figure it out. He didn’t know  _ why  _ he was an orphan. He didn’t know  _ why  _ it was difficult for him to make friends, moreso keep them. He didn’t know  _ why  _ Shiro gave him a chance when they were younger, or when he miraculously asked him to join the Garrison. And he didn’t know  _ why  _ Lance made such an effort to include him in his life, when half of the time they merely tolerated each other. Keith didn’t know  _ why,  _ but he was almost inclined to find out. The note hung limply in his idle fingers, barely a thought in his clouded mind.

“I can’t.” He choked out, images from earlier that day flashing brightly in his mind.

Lance deflated at Keith’s words, fists clenched tightly at his sides. He didn’t know whether to feel sad, disappointed, worried, or angry.  _ Heartbroken  _ flashed in his mind for nearly a second before he pushed it away, almost desperately. He didn’t  _ feel  _ that way for Keith. He didn’t feel anything for Keith except resentment. At least, he wanted to believe he didn’t feel for Keith, because in reality, he felt  _ everything  _ for Keith, whether he wanted to admit that to himself or not.

“Why. Not.” Lance couldn’t even form a question with his voice so tight. His jaw hurt with the force of it.

Keith didn’t meet Lance’s eyes when he stood and gestured to the door, indicating for Lance to leave. He didn’t budge, but Keith noticed Lance’s body slouch in resignation. “Keith.” His voice didn’t sound right. It was dull and lacked the sunshine it held when Lance had first shown up, unexpectedly, and inserted himself into Keith’s life. That felt so long ago, now that things had taken a turn for the worst. Just like Keith had expected from the start.

Lance composed himself with a sigh of defeat. He learned, that with Keith, he would have to be patient. Pushing him would get them nowhere, and considering what had happened only hours earlier, Lance knew when to stop. Or at least he thought he did, before this whole fiasco. Lance stood up, placed his guest chair where it had previously been, and nodded in Keith’s general direction. “Okay, fine. I get it. I’m going. Bye, Keith. Have a good break.”  _ Without me _ , Lance thought bitterly, heading for the door with a heavy heart.

Keith stood abruptly at the foot of his bed, panic rising in his throat. Keith learned early in life that he was the only one who held himself back, and tended to shut out the people who would try to change that about him. Keith had always been alone. He always had to fend for himself, because there was no one else that would. There was  _ no one _ who cared enough about him that they actively sought him out.  _ No one _ that talked to him like he was the only interesting thing left in the universe.  _ No one  _ who tried to get to really know him, to the point where they sat through his panic attacks to make sure he was okay, or visit his dorm unexpectedly just to hang out, or invited him to another state to so that he wouldn’t have to bear it alone.

Except that person was walking out of his dorm that very second, taking with him open promises and something Keith feared with all his being.  _ Potential _ . Lance had potential, and Keith was too frightened to face him and the reality that they could be  _ friends _ .  _ Or something more,  _ his brain easily supplied. Keith didn’t even try to fight the intrusive thought this time, he was more preoccupied in mending what little progress he had made with Lance whilst they had made small talk about a  _ painting _ , of all things. The note that came with it lay forgotten on the floor beside him.

“Lance.”

Lance could have turned back. He could have forgiven Keith, and he even paused outside his door for a split second. Yet, Keith had said his name in such a small voice that it was so much easier to pretend he hadn’t heard it at all, which was exactly what he chose to do. Lance still had the heart to politely close Keith’s door before he made his trek back to his own dormitory, which felt like such a longer distance away than usual. His footsteps echoed across the empty corridor, and he was sure that Keith could probably hear each and every one of them. Most students had already left for winter break, and Lance couldn't help but question why he hadn’t also. His plan to bring Keith along was almost  _ embarrassing _ the more he thought about it.

Entering his dorm, Lance thought, never felt so lonely before. He longed desperately to be in Arizona, with his family, whom he hadn’t seen in nearly a year. If only he hadn’t thought to bring Keith along, he would have probably been on the Interstate 10 to Phoenix by now. Lance felt hot, angry tears pull at the corners of his eyes, and he cared little to wipe them away. He knew that asking Keith to go with him to Arizona was going to be difficult, but he didn’t expect to be rejected so harshly. He knew Keith went to Japan with  _ Shiro _ all those years ago, which was on the other side of the world, so why wouldn’t he go to Arizona, which was only a few states away? Lance didn’t understand Keith sometimes, and after today, he vowed not to. That was just the way it was for the two of them.

 

-

 

**Group Chat: MEMETTI**

 

_ Leash McClaw: leaving to az now, ALONE. bye yalls _

 

_ Leash McClaw: emphasis on ALONE  _

 

_ Meme Machine: stfu ive been awake fOR 48 HOURS _

 

_ Meme Machine: MY FLIGHT WAS DELAYE D I AM RUNNING ON CHEAP ASS ENERGY DRINKS _

 

_ Leash McClaw: must be nice, pidge. at least you won't be driving 7 hours from nevada to arizona, did i mention ALONE _

 

_ Leash McClaw: thats 445.1 miles, ALONE, on the freeway, for 7 hours, pidge _

 

_ Big Hunk Bar: i’m concerned for the both of you, but mostly Lance. You okay buddy? _

 

_ Leash McClaw: oh yeah, i’m thrilled. can’t you tell? :^) _

 

_ Big Hunk Bar: hardly. Lance, if something’s wrong you can tell us _

 

_ Shiro Takashi: Be careful on the road, Lance. Everything will be OK. _

 

_ Leash McClaw: anyways _

 

_ Leash McClaw: pidge never replied, think they’re okay lol ? _

 

_ Leash McClaw: well i’m heading out the dorms soon guys, i should probs start packing _

 

_ Big Hunk Bar: you’re barely packing NOW?  _

 

_ Leash McClaw: yeah well it takes longer when ur sad and alone lmao _

 

_ Keith: [ Seen 7:38 A.M. ]  _

 

_ Leash McClaw has left the chat. _

 

_ Big Hunk Bar: Why’d Lance leave the chat? _

 

_ Shiro Takashi: Lance? _

  
  


Keith sighed heavily as he looked down at his phone, cursing inwardly at himself for not having the nerve to send a reply. He was also aware that in the moment he opened the chat, everyone else would get a notification informing them that he’d seen their messages, which was something Lance seemed to be  _ acutely  _ heedful to. The events of yesterday had clouded his mind throughout the night, hardly giving him the opportunity to find any sleep because whenever he’d drift, his dreams would warp into tortuous nightmares that caused him to clutch at his heart in a cold sweat as he laid in momentary panic. Keith stopped having nightmares when he’d moved into the dorms, but now that they’d returned, he realized not even the Garrison could keep him safe from his own head anymore. 

The reason Lance left the chat, Keith knew, was sadly because of him and the wounding nature he’d handled Lance’s offer the previous day. In the midst of it all, Keith hadn’t been thinking rationally; fear obscured his perception and led to a multitude of mistakes, which Keith regretted wholeheartedly the morning after. His own emotional turmoil shouldn’t have played a part in Lance’s happiness, or lack thereof, and Keith found it within himself to apologize.  _ Eventually _ .

Which meant he would have to face Lance again, sooner or later. The more Keith thought about how to go about it, the more peculiar his ideas became. He eyed the ocean painting Lance had been entranced with when he inspected Keith’s room, and a light bulb flashed behind his eyes. Keith didn’t feel particularly attached the painting, and as he ran his fingers along the edge of it, he figured he never would be. After the initial unwrapping process the day it first arrived, he had stared at the note which came with it for hours on end, until he finally deduced it was written in Korean. That alone set a raging fire within the confines of his troubled mind.

Keith struggled with the revelation at first, but thinking about it now, his fear of the past was leading him to a hopeless future. All he wanted was to be  _ happy _ and sure about who he was in the  _ present _ . He didn’t speak Korean, so the note shouldn’t have meant that much to him in the first place. And yet, Lance’s comment from the day previous still stung in the back of his mind, making him think about it again, just when he’d barely began to accept and brush it off.  

_ Lance hummed in response, but shook his head at Keith. “Yeah, maybe. But how many people at the Garrison share the surname Kogane?” _

None, was the answer. Not even Keith knew the background of his surname, except that it came from parents unknown, who’d abandoned him as an orphan somewhere deep in Korea. If it hadn’t been for Shiro and his parents all those years ago, stumbling across him in that ill-fated travelling orphanage, Keith doubted he’d exist at all in a world that never seemed to give a damn about him. Keith shook his head, and let out a belated breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. Everything was cold, for Keith, except the one cloudless sun in his life. Lance.

Lance.

Keith felt Lance heavy in his heart, and was suddenly ashamed of how he’d treated him yesterday. Everything was cold for Keith, and he longed desperately for Lance’s warmth. He longed for the apparent winters of Arizona, where they used cacti instead of trees for Christmas. He longed to be apart of someone’s family, even if it was only for three weeks. He longed to know more about their culture. He longed to know more about Lance, and possibly let down his own walls in the process. Keith wanted Lance to know  _ him _ , and him alone.

Keith knew what had to be done, and an apology, he thought, was the starting point.

 

-

 

Keith stood nervously, hands fidgeting at his sides. Lance’s door was merely a few feet away from him, but Keith almost couldn’t bring himself to cross it.  _ I made up my mind, I made up my mind, I made-  _ Keith found chanting in his head could only sooth him for half a second before the sound of pacing steps found his ears. His eyes instantly shot up to the door ahead of him, and his feet moved at their own accord. And his fist. He was knocking, not so pleasantly, on Lance’s door. The footsteps on the other side hesitated, then made their way closer to Keith. 

As the door opened, Lance could only muster a smile that looked more like a grimace at the presence of Keith. He folded his arms across his chest, quite defensively, and glared right at Keith’s guilty face. They stood in moderate silence before Lance cleared his throat expectantly, making Keith flinch only a little. “Well?” Lance’s voice came out harsh, almost strained. His jaw was set tight, and he was looking at Keith with eyes so sharp, Keith could feel his glare pierce through his very soul. The look didn’t fit him. It reminded Keith of raging storm clouds and lightning during an unforgiving thunderstorm. It reminded him of icy hail that penetrated car windows and tore apart houses and yards. He preferred Lance’s sunshine, to well, this.

“I’m sorry, Lance. Please be patient with me.”  _ Please don’t give up on me so easily. Please let me fix this. Please don't go. Please forgive me. Please don't leave me. _

Lance let his shoulders fall with ease, briefly realizing how tense he'd been before. Keith was  _ apologizing _ . He was simply apologizing, and that was enough for Lance to heave a sigh of relief because he knew deep down he  _ needed  _ this. He needed Keith, and that was it. Simple. Lance was a simple man, and he could forgive just as easily as Keith could apologize. Except, it wasn't easy at all.

Keith shuffled, almost awkwardly in front of Lance. He wanted to feel his warmth. Keith was being sucked into his gravitational pull, much like the planets to the sun. Lance was bright without the icy look in his ocean eyes. Keith cleared his throat and gestured between the two of them. “Can we- talk?” It sounded almost desperate in Keith’s ears, and he forced himself to stay still. To wait. To watch. To calculate. He was good at researching.

Lance smiled, but it was crooked in all the wrong places. It was strained, but he tried his best to seem willing when he allowed Keith into his dorm. His space. His home away from home. Keith was black and white in Lance’s bright, warm and golden world. But he could make room for just about anybody, and Keith had already reserved a spot the very day they met. Lance braced himself for whatever Keith would throw at him, because Lance was determined to be  _ patient _ .

Keith swallowed thickly around the nervous lump in his throat. He prepared himself to be honest. He gave himself at least a dozen prep talks as he paced across his dorm, glancing every so often at that bloody ocean painting. So now that the time had come for him to own up to his actions, his brain seemed to malfunction. Keith let out a shuddering breath, and hoped Lance didn't find it too unappealing.

“So where should I begin?”

Lance huffed out a broken laugh, lifting a single eyebrow at Keith's incompetence. “Why don't you tell me, Keith, since you seem so inclined to apologize and force me to be what,  _ patient _ , was it?”

Keith gritted his teeth and clenched his aching fists against his sides.  _ Patience _ . Ease into it. Lance was still cross with him, obviously, so Keith figured it was probably best to just be honest. Right now.

“Look, Lance. I didn’t- I didn’t reject you because I don't want to go to Arizona with you. I've been staying at the dorms for break since I figured it was time to stop following Shiro around.” Keith took a breath. Willed his heart to stop beating so frantically in his chest.

“The reason I said no was because I'm scared of relying on someone else for my happiness again.” Saying it felt like a punch to his own gut. Or ego. Keith wanted to disappear into his head like he used to. He wanted everything to stop feeling like  _ too much _ at all times. He wanted Lance to understand what he meant by all this. His emotional instability. His irrational fear of getting close to people. His selfish desire to be alone because that was all he ever knew.

“The reason I stay at the Garrison for winter break is because I have no where else to go. The reason the note I showed you yesterday bothers me so much is because it's written in Korean. It being in Korean scares the living shit out of me because my parents were Korean. And I never knew my parents. So the fact that it could be tied to them, well, makes my head spin a little faster than usual. And it's usually pretty fast. Like static.”

Keith never imagined himself ever opening up to someone like this. He never wanted people to know who he really was, or what he kept hidden from the world. He never wanted Shiro to know he lived alone in a good-for-nothing shack in the middle of a desert. He never wanted to make himself vulnerable ever again. Yet here he was, and this was him. An open book that Lance could only skim because that was all Keith could give him. Glimpses. Hints. Food for thought.

Lance could barely stand. Everything felt heavy. He always did this. He always pushed Keith to his breaking point and never learned when to stop. Lance could never stop. He wanted to know everything about Keith. The good, the bad, the raging war of static inside his brain. Lance could only soften his features and break the ice inside his eyes. Lance didn’t like the cold. He liked hot, sunny days and blood that boiled in the summer heat.

Lance looked at Keith, and everything else fell back into place. He sighed. He ran a hand through his early morning hair. He glanced at his disheveled excuse for a dorm and wished he was more of an organized packer. Lance wasn't organized in general. Keith was twitching. He looked too nervous, and Lance wanted only to ease the panic in his bones. The past he didn't know how to fix. The person he liked way,  _ way  _ too much.

“Look, Keith. That- this is a lot to take in but, well. I forgive you. It wasn't even your fault, I mean, I know I can be pushy. And over-the-top. And annoying and brash and- you know what I mean. I can't give you all the answers in the universe but the offer still stands.” Lance watched Keith's face visibly relax. The tension in the room felt like a dream.

“Come to Arizona with me. Please. If you want to.  _ Only _ if you want to.”  _ If you can handle it. If you can handle me. _

Keith instinctively shook his head, then scrunched up his eyebrows in confusion. His body never agreed with his brain. “I- yes. Of course I want to. But please,  _ please  _ be patient with me. This- you. This is all new to me.” Having friends. Meaning something. Wanting more. Being  _ Keith  _ but not  _ alone _ .

Lance nodded eagerly, his neck cracking with the force of it. Keith gave a sheepish smile and nodded back. Looking more sure than Lance had ever seen him. “That's fine, Keith. That's perfect. Just- you know how I am. Things fly over my head sometimes so if I push too much, just remind me. Push back harder.” Lance nodded again. He couldn't stop nodding. He just wanted to make sure Keith was convinced. He looked pretty convinced.

“Thanks, Lance. I'm still sorry. About yesterday.” Keith couldn't help but look down at his own feet. Lance was too bright with his summer smiles and ocean eyes. It was winter. Fucking winter. Keith needed sunglasses when he was around Lance.

“It was my fault for being persistent.” Lance shrugged.

“It was my fault for being ridiculous!” Keith stumbled.

And then Lance laughed. An open laugh that held too many possibilities. Keith held his breath.

“That is so not fair.” Keith grumbled without really thinking. He bumped into something on his left. It was a coffee table. He almost fell on top of it. Lance laughed again, even harder. He was the embodiment of the sun. Keith was blinded by his rays.

Lance wiped the tears under his eyes and grinned openly at Keith. They were bickering like normal again. About who was to blame, of all things. Everything was right in the world. The balance of the universe was restored. Keith smiled back at him, and it was crooked in all the right places. He was shuffling away from Lance’s coffee table, looking personally offended by it. It was just a coffee table.

“This is great and all, Keith, but we need to hit the road in about an hour, so it'd probably be best if you went and packed, buddy.” Lance managed through blips of laughter.

“What? Oh. Oh!” Keith had been too caught up in all of  _ this  _ that he'd forgotten all about packing. Because yesterday he said he wasn't going to go, but now that he was, he needed to pack. Obviously. That was what normal people did when they went away for break. Keith wasn't normal. This wasn't normal. This was something entirely new.

_ “You go home, right?” _

Keith smiled, and it lingered on his face as he nodded at Lance. And fumbled for the door. And walked back to his dorm. The very same dorm he'd be leaving for three weeks time in only about an hour.

_ “You go home, right?” _

Keith let out a shaky breath and slipped unceremoniously against his door. Sunshine laughter rang in his ears from a few feet away. Yeah, perhaps he would. Maybe this could be his home. Maybe Lance could be his home. Maybe. Keith smiled. It felt right stretched out across his face. He could get used to the occasional smile. And the heat. He hated the cold. Arizona would be good for him.

_ “You go home, right?” _

Home. The word felt warm in Keith's chest.

 

-

 

Keith didn’t know what to pack. He traveled before, obviously, but somehow this particular trip felt different. Keith felt obligated to bring his best clothes, his best toiletries, his best suitcase. He didn't even own a proper one, just a huge duffle bag he towed his stuff around in occasionally. Keith wanted to be the best version of himself he could muster up, yet he couldn't place a finger as to  _ why. _

_ Why  _ did he want to appear perfect?  _ Why  _ did he want to impress people who probably didn’t even know he existed? Keith just wanted to look like a decent human being for once, that was all. No double meaning behind it. Not because is was Lance, and Lance’s family.

Keith grumbled and shoved a few more items in his bag, not really caring what they were anymore. He could be  _ Keith  _ without messing it up. He could be himself and be  _ enough  _ at the same time. At least he could hope.

Keith sighed and looked around his dorm, checking to be sure that he packed his essentials. The clothes he deemed ‘inappropriate’ lay in an ugly heap upon his messy bed, causing him to scowl at them. He didn’t even remember buying a  _ Nirvana _ shirt. It  _ was _ a pretty cool shirt, though. But not for winter break, spent with Lance. And his family.

Next was the issue of gifts. Keith didn't have any gifts, which he was suddenly aware of. How could he agree to go Arizona with Lance, spend Christmas with him, and not have any gifts? Keith was hopeless. But moreso giftless. He felt like an idiot. A giftless idiot.

Keith stumbled across his messy excuse for a dorm and searched around for anything and everything that could pass for a gift. He found old CDs of bands he never even heard of, still wrapped in their original plastic. Under his bed were boxes of items he'd brought from Japan and never got around to unpacking. And in the same place as all the days it had lingered in his room, the cursed ocean painting. Keith glared at it, even though he knew it's ultimate fate. He figured out what to do with it yesterday, while contemplating his and Lance’s argument. He was going to give it to him.

Keith had noticed right away Lance’s longing towards it, for reasons he didn’t understand. It dawned on him that he didn’t know much about Lance in general, and couldn’t place a finger on why that revelation bothered him so much. They had known each other for a couple of solid years already, but never got a chance to really communicate due to the constant squabbling between them. There was always some kind of tension they shared, and Keith frowned slightly as he thought about it.

Keith picked up the painting with a flourish, setting it gently on his miserable bed. The sight of it so up close made him uncomfortable. The canvas smelled faintly of sandalwood and hibiscus, taking Keith by surprise. He faltered as he ran his hand across it, gently, almost fearful as his fingers brushed the rough brushstrokes. The longer he stared at it, the more beautiful it seemed. Keith swallowed thickly in the back of his throat, anxiety pooling in the centre of his chest. He was not going to cry about a bloody painting, especially one he resented with a burning passion. At least he wanted to, except for the fact that the painting was now becoming something else entirely to him.

Keith forced himself to tear his eyes away from the painting, going back to the task at hand. He was still searching for gifts, but more importantly, wrapping paper. He couldn't just hand them out willy nilly, after all. Keith rummaged around his dorm for what felt like the millionth time, finally submerging an old box from the depths of his closest. Thankfully, it held exactly what he’d been looking for. Keith pulled out an odd assortment of Christmas and birthday decorations, a couple gift bags, and a single tube of wrapping paper. He sighed with relief, smiling to himself with content. Good things  _ did  _ happen to him sometimes, then.

Keith’s brief moment of iridescent peace was interrupted when a persistent knock at his door brought him out of his daze. He knew it was Lance, obviously, they were the last two people on this floor, if not campus, and Keith felt his heart jump in his throat as he stood with great difficulty. He wasn’t ready to leave yet; he had barely starting packing before this gift  _ crisis  _ presented itself to him. Nevertheless, he had to answer his door eventually. “Just a minute, Lance!” He called out, cheeks flushing with prolonged embarrassment and stress. Keith heard a laugh behind his door as the knocking turned into some kind of malicious song, seemingly to annoy him.

“Hurry up, Keith! The traffic’s going to be  _ dreadful! _ ” Lance’s voice was muffled from the other side, but Keith could hear him perfectly clear through his panicked frenzy. He snatched the wrapping paper with a huff and made a quick, messy job of throwing it over the painting and sealed it with of course, duct tape. Needless to say, it wasn’t glorious, but it was the best he could do. He pulled a sharpie from his bedside drawer and scribbled Lance’s name across the center with thick black letters. He turned the now wrapped painting on it’s opposite side before rushing to his door and yanking it open, resulting in Lance falling back-down in a heap to his floor with a flustered yelp.

“What was that for, at least give a guy some warning!” Lance scowled, clutching the back of his head which received the worst of the fall. Keith snorted a blip of laughter as he hurriedly helped Lance up, the other giving him a half hearted shove with a retort of “I’m fine.” and an eyeroll. Keith bit his lip as he smiled at Lance, who was still scowling and checking himself for other apparent injuries. “I could’ve died just now, Keith. A few days before Christmas, no less.” Lance said overdramatically, feigning hurt with a shocked expression and a hand plastered to his forehead.

Keith grinned, shrugging mildly. “How was I supposed to know you’d be sitting against my door like that?” He asked, giggling softly. Which was odd because Keith didn’t  _ giggle _ . Lance’s eyebrows shot up at this, but he quickly regained his posture and frowned again. He poked Keith’s forearm, and was quickly swatted away.

“Well, you could have opened it before I decided to sit down,  _ duh _ .” Lance said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. They were running late, after all, especially since Lance decided to pack this morning along with Keith, by the looks of it. Lance finally took in the scene around him, barely noticing the havoc that was Keith’s dorm. Keith cleared his throat, biting down yet another laugh. “I’m usually not this messy, I promise.” Lance rolled his eyes.

“Geez Keith, how much did you pack? And are those _gifts_?” Lance pointed an accusatory finger at said gifts, which were still halfway wrapped besides the longest one on Keith’s bed. He chose to ignore the statement about being messy, because Keith wasn’t exactly _organized_ either. Keith nodded, a faint blush dusting his cheeks. “Well yeah, what’s Christmas without gifts?” He asked, striding past Lance to gather the rest of his stuff. Most of it was already strewn across his bed, waiting to be put in his duffel bag, which he hastily shoved inside with a flourish. Done.

Lance regarded Keith, looking at him almost fondly. He never thought Keith would have gone out of his way to conjure up gifts, let alone his own belongings, which made him seem a bit selfless, which was something Lance didn’t associate with Keith. At least he didn’t used to, except for the fact that Keith was now becoming someone else entirely to him. Keith turned around, and Lance averted his eyes. He shoved his hands in his pockets, trying to appear casual after looking at his friend with obvious heart eyes for thirty seconds. “You didn’t have to, I mean, we could’ve gone shopping in Phoenix or whatever but-”

Keith placed a hand on Lance’s shoulder, noticing his grip was a little too tight before it was too late. He squeezed, making it worse by the look on Lance’s face, but didn’t let go. “It’s fine, really. I never use half of this stuff anyway, and most of it’s new. However,” Keith’s eyes glinted something mischievous. “I will take your offer of shopping when we get to Phoenix, though.” Lance blinked, feeling his cheeks heat up. Keith realized the implications of his last statement and felt himself blushing too, and he quickly pulled away from Lance with an embarrassed smile. He was always smiling around Lance. He forced his face back into a frown.

Lance shuffled his feet awkwardly, playing with the hem of his sweater. “We should probably hit the road soon if we ever plan to make it in time.” He said, gesturing to the door, still blushing. “I’ll help you carry your bags. If you want.” Lance was already grabbing for said bags as Keith made his way over to them at the same time. Instead of grabbing bags, they ended up grabbing hands. Which would have been great, if Keith hadn’t jerked his hand away the moment it made contact with Lance’s. His eyes were wide as he planted his arms robotically to his sides. “Sorry.” Keith blurted out, grabbing the now wrapped ocean painting as a way to distract his shaking hands. Lance sighed, forcing a smile. Patience. “It’s… don’t worry about it, Keith.”

He didn’t mean for it to sound so harsh. Lance was really  _ trying _ , here. He didn’t know why he felt so dejected at Keith’s repulsiveness towards him. He didn’t know why he was trying so hard. Why this meant so much to him. Friendships usually came easy to Lance. He was popular, he was loved. He was the baby of the family, spoiled rotten and easily the attention seeker of the bunch. Except with Keith, he didn’t receive any of this. Keith was stubborn and hardheaded and closed off which made him all the more interstellar to Lance, undiscovered and unreachable. Lance never had to reach for anything.

Lance was never one to let go, either.

Keith cleared his throat, standing idly at his door waiting for Lance to follow. Keith mustered up a smile as Lance bounded up to him, several bags dangling in his hands and draped over his shoulders. Keith tried to make a grab at them, which Lance swiftly avoided with his tongue sticking out mockingly. Keith’s eyes followed him as he wobbled out the door, slipping more than once on his own feet. The world felt lighter outside his dorm, Keith thought. Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe he wouldn’t mess up this time. So he locked his door, shoved the key in his pocket, and trailed quietly behind Lance.

The parking lot was completely deserted. Keith knew all there was to know about something being deserted, seeing as he had lived in the middle of the desert most of his teenage and adult life. However, this parking lot was definitely  _ deserted.  _ To the point where it sort of freaked him out. Lance made his way over to a blue Tahoe with flame decals parked in a handicap spot, which nearly gave Keith a heart attack. “Lance, that’s illegal!” He shouted as he caught up with him. Lance shrugged, trying to fit as many bags in his trunk as humanly possible.

“The lot is empty, Keith, chillax.” Lance snickered, letting the trunk fall with a loud bang. He almost broke his nose from the impact of the trunk falling down, but he quickly avoided it from previous mishaps. It happened once before, and Lance almost died, so no thanks. Keith shook his head with disbelief, letting his eyes roam over the Tahoe again. The flame decals were a little much, compared with the obvious chipping of paint, and one single sticker decal on the back window of the truck caught his attention and he squinted his eyes to see it. The sticker read ‘Adios Bitchachos’ in all caps, which was exactly something Lance would have presented on his truck.

“Is that really necessary, Lance?” Keith pointed an accusatory finger at said sticker, frowning with disgust. Lance grinned, placing a hand on his hip with sarcastic enthusiasm. “Why Keith, it’s merely a representation of who I am in the form of a car decal. I think it captures my personality quite well, if you ask me.” Keith rolled his eyes at this response, feeling himself go dizzy with the effort of it. He shook his head and focused his attention back on the wrapped painting that was now weighing him down heavily in his arms. Keith proceeded to ignore Lance’s questions about said painting, and stowed it gently away in the backseat of the Tahoe. It was a fairly large painting, but surprisingly fit snugly in the space provided in the truck. Keith smiled, pleased with his work, and turned back to Lance, who looked slightly flustered.

Lance knew his expression must had been comical due to Keith’s reaction only a second later. Lance’s eyes roamed from the wrapped  _ thing  _ sitting in the back of his truck to Keith, who’s head was cocked and eyes questioning. Lance could feel his face heating up as he lifted his hand, pointing at the wrapped thing that also had his  _ name  _ strewn across it like it was for  _ him _ . Keith’s eyes widened as he realized this, and quickly shut the car door before looking at Lance again with a guilty grin and flushed cheeks. Lance coughed, amused, a shy giggle escaping his lips. “That… said my name?” It was meant to be a statement but sounded more like a question.

Keith shrugged, smiling sheepishly. “Maybe it did, Lance. You’re just gonna have to wait till Christmas to find out.” He said, teasingly, as he made his way to the passenger’s side of the truck and hopped in. Lance stood, dumbfounded, processing what Keith said to him. Specifically, the tone in which he said it. Lance knew when people flirted with him, and he couldn’t help but think that Keith was  _ flirting  _ with him. Flirting wasn’t something he associated with Keith, especially towards  _ him _ , but it surely sounded like it. Lance shook his head slightly and blushed to himself. Those were dangerous thoughts. He and Keith were  _ friends _ . Well, friends-ish. They tolerated each other, for now. “Come on, Lance! Seven hours is a long drive and I’m getting antsy!” Keith shouted from the passenger’s seat, pulling Lance out of his thoughts. He bounded to the driver’s side, and slipped in.

Lance sighed as he shrugged his seat belt on, apprehension pooling in the base of his stomach. He liked driving, road trips, and the sort. But this particular drive was always a bit nerve wracking to him. Keith was right when he said seven hours is a long drive, and Lance knew that. Holiday traffic was going to be horrendous, but he knew these roads like the back of his hand. Arizona was his  _ home _ , and he wasn’t going to let some tedious drive he’s done a million times get to him. So, he triumphantly placed his hands on the steering wheel, and the truck roared to life beneath them. Lance chanced a glance at Keith, who had his eyes closed and brows furrowed. “You okay?”

Keith looked at Lance, smiling despite himself. Driving made him nervous. Flying made him nervous, hell,  _ life  _ made him nervous. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll be alright.” He said, not believing himself. Lance nodded, seemingly not convinced either. Keith closed his eyes again, thinking of things to come as Lance started driving, pulling out of the parking garage. Keith let his thoughts drift to places he ignored for a long time. Family, love, loneliness, and fear. Keith had a feeling that spending Christmas with Lance and his family was going to impact him more than he originally thought. He knew that getting in too deep was already out of the question, since he was sitting in a moving truck to Arizona with Lance on his way to new endeavors that truly and wholehearted scared him.

Keith wasn’t used to putting himself out there. He wasn’t used to getting out of his shell, or letting down walls that protected him from the evils of the world. Keith was used to being alone during break, and this sudden change had him a little shaken up.  _ Patience _ . Keith opened his eyes and looked outside the passenger window. They were already pulling onto the freeway, seven hours until their destination left. Keith sighed a shuddering breath, and pulled his phone out of his pocket. The time was 9:37 A.M, which meant they’d be at Lance’s house around 4:00 o’clock. Keith could only hope the drive wouldn’t  _ feel  _ that long.

“Music.” Lance muttered under his breath, searching blindly for the AUX cord until giving up and hastily handed his phone to Keith, who took it with surprise. “Can you plug it in and open Google Play Music? There’s a playlist called _drive,_ if you don’t mind.” Lance said absentmindedly as he flicked the turn signal on, switching to the carpool lane. Keith hummed in response, unlocking Lance’s phone and opening said app and playlist. He plugged the AUX cord in and pressed play, music coming to life around them. Lance visibly relaxed, thumbs tapping quietly on the steering wheel as he paid attention to the road. Keith took his time scrolling through the songs, most were from musicals he’d never heard of. The majority from  _ In The Heights _ , he noticed, as he started paying attention to the first song of the mix. It was called  _ Sunrise _ . Keith had to admit, it was beautiful.

Well, Lance’s singing was. He was singing along softly to both parts, putting emphasis on the Spanish lyrics. He looked totally at ease like this, and Keith found himself openly staring at him. Lance would sway his head with parts of the song, his face contorting with emotion. Keith held his breath, afraid to ruin the moment. It wasn’t like Lance was going to notice his staring, he was paying attention to the road, obviously. “You’re staring.”

Keith jumped slightly in his seat, pointedly shifting his gaze to the passenger’s window. “Pay attention to the road, idiot.” He mumbled, insult soft on his tongue. Lance let a breath of laughter escape his throat as he shook his head with a grin. Keith rolled his eyes, embarrassed but not  _ so  _ embarrassed that he’d deny the allegation. He simply laid his head back and let the moment go unspoken between the two of them. Lance was beautiful, and his pride didn’t need to know that. Keith huffed under his breath and cursed inwardly at himself. Lance was beautiful, and Keith was Keith. Nothing more, nothing less. Keith had been staring, and he knew that looking at the sun for too long could be dangerous.

So, he closed his eyes and let the music and the hymn of Lance’s voice wash over him. It was easy, letting the world slip away in this perfect little bubble. Keith wasn’t used to  _ easy _ ; he was used to fighting and loneliness and always having to be there for himself while others lived their lives as he watched from the outside looking in. Yet with Lance, he felt like he was a part of something. As if he were a planet orbiting the sun, being lured by its gravitational pull without a means of escape. And Keith craved that warmth. He longed for it, and didn’t bother to struggle against its rays. Keith looked at Lance like he were the sun, and his eyes burned from how  _ bright  _ he was.

“Hey, Lance?”

Lance hummed in response, caught mid-sentence in song. It was a line in Spanish.

“What does it mean?”

Lance shifted his eyes briefly to Keith, who looked thoughtful and sleepy at the same time, expression open and endearing. Lance willed his heart to calm down and focused on the road again. Keith’s sleepy face was dangerous. “What does  _ what  _ mean?”

Keith yawned, straightening himself up again. “The lyrics, the Spanish ones, I mean.”

Lance smiled softly, thinking of said lyrics.  _ Sunrise  _ from  _ In The Heights  _ was one of his favorite songs ever, and he was overjoyous that Keith wanted to indulge in it too. “Oh,  _ para siempre _ ? It means forever.”

Keith hummed in response, eyes drooping as he tilted his head back once again, satisfied. Maybe this could be his forever. He wouldn’t mind that one bit. “Forever. I’d like that.” He heard Lance take a sharp inhale of breath as he fell asleep, truly content for the first time in years.

 

-

 

Lance took a deep breath as he pulled into the Sunset Point rest stop. They were a little ways out of Prescott, Arizona, and would be nearing Phoenix in about an hour and a half. However, the drive was already long enough and Lance thought he deserved a long needed break off the road.

Keith was still asleep in the passenger's seat, snoring under his breath with a smile covering his face. Lance resisted the persistent urge to take a picture with his cell phone, and reveled in the moment instead. Keith was truly a relic in the Arizona sunshine seeping through the winter clouds above their heads.

Lance blinked a few times and willed himself to look away from Keith's sleeping face. “Keith.” Lance reached over and prodded Keith gently on the shoulder, to no avail. “Keith!” He tried, a little louder, and frowned at no response. Lance rolled his eyes and placed his hands on the steering wheel again, taking a deep breath.

“Keith we're crashing we're gonna die wake that mullet up right now or so help me-”

Keith woke with a start at the sound of screaming and braced himself for whatever the hell Lance had gotten them into. When he turned with wide eyes to see just what they were about to crash into, he was met with a sly grin paired with a fit of laughter and a car that wasn't even moving in the first place. Keith groaned and shoved Lance roughly in the shoulder, glaring at him with eyes like fire. Lance coughed through blips of laughter and clutched at his stomach. “Abs, Keith! I grew abs from that!” Keith rolled his eyes so far back it hurt, but smiled nonetheless. “You’re ridiculous…” He said, shaking his head while willing his heart to calm down.

Lance took in a gulp of air and grinned over at Keith. “Check it out, we’re a little ways past Prescott now. This is a rest stop, Sunset Point. It’s really beautiful. Wanna get out and stretch?” Keith nodded gratefully, shrugging his loose jacket back on. He briefly remembered Lance telling him it wasn’t so cold in Arizona, so he didn’t worry about putting his coat on. As he stepped out of the car, Keith’s breath caught in his throat. Mountains beyond mountains stood just beyond the horizon, and Keith could hardly wait for Lance to situate himself before going over to see them. Lance smiled and locked the car as they walked towards the railing that stood before them and this picturesque scene. Lance’s face nearly lit up at the sight of it.

“I love this place… my home. My family. I know it may be a little boring to you, Keith, but Arizona really is spectacular. Yeah, we’re a desert. But that doesn’t mean we’re lifeless, Keith. We’re anything but.”

Lance looked over at Keith to take in his response, but was met with teary eyes and an expression that for once, he couldn’t read. Lance’s smiled faded only slightly, and he tilted his head in mild concern. Was he too sappy? Did he offend Keith? Lance shifted unconsciously as he searched Keith’s eyes for anything, really. Then he looked down, embarrassed, because Keith placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed, grounding him.

“That’s… that’s wonderful, Lance. It’s amazing how much this place means to you. How much your family means to you. I… I wish I had that too.” Keith smiled openly at Lance, shoving his shoulder lightly so that they’d look at each other again. Lance’s eyes seemed to search his own, for clarity, earnesty, anything. His very soul. Then he smiled, and the mountains weren’t as beautiful anymore. The sun on their backs wasn’t as hot anymore. The road ahead wasn’t as far. Keith almost couldn’t look away.

Lance broke eye contact and finally looked away, the moment broken but not forgotten. Something felt shifted, like the sun breaking through storm clouds on a gloomy day. Keith took a deep breath, and with a leap of faith, entwined their fingers for just a heartbeat. Lance snapped his head back to look at him, but Keith was already speed walking to observe other scenic views the rest stop had to offer. Lance felt his heart beat out of his chest, and didn’t have the strength to stop it. He was falling, falling, falling.

Keith could feel Lance’s eyes burning into the back of his skull, and he was internally panicking. It just felt  _ right _ , in that moment, to hold Lance’s hand, okay. Keith didn’t need a reason. Fine, maybe he did, but his mind and heart didn’t always listen to one another. Sometimes he just acted on impulse, and that was simply  _ him  _ in itself. Keith was all impulse and adaptation and over achievement, because that was all ever knew. So he closed his eyes, just for a second, and let the sun dance colors behind his eyelids. It was too much and not enough at the same time. His feelings for Lance we definitely bubbling at the surface now, and there was little to nothing he could do to prevent this. He liked Lance. He loved Lance.

“Hey, I think we should get back on the road if we plan to make it in time, mullet man.”

Despite his emotional turmoil, Keith turned and smiled at Lance, nodding without thinking. They headed back down towards the path that lead to Lance’s ridiculous Tahoe, Keith’s heart fluttering madly in his chest the whole way. He walked a few feet behind Lance as to hide his blushing face and shaking hands, contemplating the conversation they’d have once sat alone in the car again.

The rest stop was significantly emptier by the time they made back, most cars leaving in hope to beat the winter hour time frame. Lance slipped back into the driver’s seat, feeling less cramped and claustrophobic. Keith took his obligatory passenger’s seat, and buckled his seat belt, anxiety heavy in his heart. Lance started the truck and blasted the heater, feeling the warmth surround them once again. He plugged his phone back into the aux cord, and started his ‘80’s’ playlist, The Smiths flowing easily around them. Lance cleared his throat expectantly.

“About what I said earlier… about this being my home? It can be yours too, Keith, if you let it.”

Lance smiled gently, his words quiet but firm. Keith looked at him, and he was home. The ocean in his eyes, his sun kissed skin. Everything about him glowed and radiated warmth Keith wanted to bask in for the rest of his life.  _ If he let it _ .

“I will.” Keith whispered, and entwined their fingers for the second time that winter afternoon. He waited for Lance to pull away, or be offended, or reject him completely. Lance simply smiled, and let it be. Their hands never left each other for the remainder of the ride, and Lance could only think that Keith may be his  _ forever  _ if they continued on like this.

They’d be in Phoenix in less than two hours, and Lance could hardly wait to spend his Christmas with his family and loved ones, which now inherently included Keith. And he was content.

 

-

 

**Author's Note:**

> this is for you, my dearest friends. evelyn, jesus, and yajaira.


End file.
